An Average Movie-Goer’s Review
Spoilers! If you don’t want spoilers – check out the Spoiler-Free post
I love horror movies and if I’m going to watch them anyway, why not write an entertaining/funny review from the POV of an average movie-goer and not a professional critic.
Today we’re looking at 2014’s Unfriended
A group of friends, each with their own secrets, are on a video call when they’re contacted by an unknown account and an account of their dead classmate.
Is Unfriended (2014) Scary?
Unfriended has very few good jump scares and relies on a lot of suspense to create fear; it doesn’t work too well. In the end, you won’t leave Unfriended afraid of your computer unless you still use Facebook and Skype, but in that case, no one can help you.
Plot Synopsis:
The entire film takes place on someone’s computer so we only see everything on their screen. It’s going to be a bumpy ride. We start with someone watching the suicide video of Laura Barns (played by Heather Sossaman). In the middle of a baseball field, someone records her shooting herself, unbelievably no one tries to stop her.
The person watching the video switches to a YouTube video entitled “Laura Barns Kill Urself” and we see Laura at a party, pretty drunk, arguing with someone named Val. Before the video ends, there’s a video call from Mitch Roussel (played by Moses Storm).
We learn the computer screen we’re watching belongs to Blaire (played by Shelley Hennig) and her boyfriend is Mitch. Blaire teases Mitch telling him to make her take off her shirt and Mitch produces a knife. He threatens to cut it off she doesn’t take it off and apparently, Blaire is into it to Mitch’s surprise. I don’t like to kink shame but I have multiple questions.
The two have yet to have sex and make plans to do it for the first time on prom night. Blaire is also a virgin so it’s a big deal for her and Mitch.
As the two continue with their undressing, they get a group video call but ignore it. Moments later the group call enters anyway and we see it’s their friends Jess (played by Renee Olstead), Adam (played by Will Peltz), and Kennington (who we’ll just call Ken played by Jacob Wysocki). But, there’s also an unnamed user who isn’t sharing their video feed.
Separately Blaire private chats with Mitch asking why he answered their call and he says it wasn’t him. Meanwhile, the group notices the unnamed user and no one has any idea who they are or how they got in. Everyone hangs up and tries again only to still have the unknown person jump on the call.
In their private chat, Mitch tells Blaire he got a weird message from Laura Barns. Moments later Blaire gets a message through Facebook from Laura asking what she’s watching and that’s weird. Ken, the group’s tech wiz, thinks the unknown profile is just a glitch so they all choose to ignore it.
Privately Mitch sends Blaire a link to an article on unexplainedforums.net warning people not to answer messages from the dead. The user who started the thread writes that social media accounts can be possessed by the deceased… it’s always good when a movie adds critical information to its plot in small paragraphs that you have to read.
Also, I’ve been dead this whole time! Death is boring so I started reviewing movies. BOOO!
Though scared, Blaire doesn’t take it seriously and tells Mitch she’s going to report Laura’s account to Facebook as hacked. For some reason, she decides to tell the person using Laura’s account as well. We watch the entire process as she fills out the Facebook request page, it takes 1 minute and 50 seconds…
When she sends it, there’s an error and every field is replaced with the words “I got her” so at least there was a payoff to the wait. Mitch suggests she unfriend Laura’s account but after doing so, she gets another message from Laura telling her she shouldn’t have done that.
Blaire starts to think it’s their friend Val (played by Courtney Halverson) pretending to be Laura but that doesn’t explain the “I got her” thing appearing on every field. After asking the group if they have spoken to Val, she invites her to the video call.
Blair gets a notification from Facebook that Jess, who is currently in the middle of a sentence, uploaded a new picture. The pictures are all of Val drunk and using drugs. Val freaks out and when Jess claims to never have seen the pictures, the two argue.
Val demands Jess take down the pictures but when she tries, the pictures continue to get uploaded. After multiple attempts, the pictures are deleted but they then get reposted under Adam’s account.
The group gets a message on the video call that appears to come from Jess calling Val a bitch. Despite Jess visibly doing her nails, Val blames her and there’s more yelling. Another message this time from Val appears and accuses Jess of sleeping with the football team.
Val says she didn’t send it and despite Jess having just experienced someone sending a message from her account, she still thinks Val sent the message.
The same thing happens with Blaire and no one, especially tech wiz Ken, stops to think “oh shit maybe we were hacked.” The unknown profile now calling itself “billie227” now admits they were the one sending the messages and honestly that’s one hell of an entrance.
Blaire discovers the Billie profile belongs to Laura Barns and everyone gets creeped out. Privately she asks Mitch if he’s the one behind this which is just a weird thing to randomly do. Billie tells the group not to hang up and Val announces that Billie sent her something. Although we don’t see what it is, it’s enough to have Val call the cops.
Ken tells her not to as he thinks the person is just a troll but Val hangs up anyway. The group decide to call it a night since they can’t seem to hang up on Billie. Before they hang up Blaire gets an email from Billie entitled “Val Plays the Game” with a link to Instagram.
The group tells her to forward it to Ken so he can track the IP address but the Forward button is gone. Adam, who has been drinking, flips the fuck out asking Blaire if she knows how to use a computer. So you gotta wonder why any of these people are friends with him.
Blaire shares her screen and shows the group the Forward button is gone but misses the opportunity to tell Adam “I told you so you dick.” Blaire clicks the link and it’s an Instagram post with a screenshot of a conversation between Laura and Val regarding the drunk video of Laura we saw at the start. Laura asks if Val was the one who posted it and asks to take it down. Val tells her to kill herself.
The group is surprised at Val but Ken says that Laura sucked, was a bully, and deserved the hate that she got from the drunk video. I’d like to remind everyone that the cyberbullying Laura received from that video caused her to kill herself. Add Ken to the piece of shit pile.
Blaire privately messages Mitch that Ken shouldn’t have said that. Mitch responds by saying Ken isn’t wrong and sends Blaire a link to a YouTube video posted by Laura before her death. The video is about 30 seconds and it’s just of Laura calling everyone cunts for bullying her using secret accounts. I don’t see how this makes Ken “not wrong”.
Blaire types that no one knew Laura like she did and is about to reveal that Laura was abused by her uncle as a child but decides not to send the message. Blaire decides to hang up the call and just as she’s about to, she gets a message from Facebook Laura telling her that if she hangs up, everyone dies.
Billie messages the group telling them all not to hang up and we see Val join the call again. She doesn’t respond to anyone and appears to be in a trance with a bottle of bleach next to her. In a jump scare, the computer falls to the floor and we hear police arriving at the scene.
The group hear the cops declare the scene a suicide and the computer somehow drops again. This time we see a cop by Val’s body.
Billie (who is obviously Laura) sends Blaire another email telling her they all have secrets and she wants to expose them all. Laura sends Blaire two pictures of her sleeping while hugging a shirtless Adam who importantly, is not her boyfriend Mitch.
Billie tells the group she wants to play a game and the group all mute themselves. Billie eventually unmutes them all but by then Ken has sent everyone a program to destroy viruses. As everyone runs the program, Billie countdowns for the game to start and Adam pulls out a gun threatening Billie.
The program completes before the timer and effectively removes Billie from all their computers, removing her from their video call. As the group breathes a sigh of relief, Adam calls the police informing them of Billie’s connection to Val’s suicide. The 911 operator asks if he’s safe at home and then asks if Ken is safe as well.
The group realizes that the person on the line is not a 911 operator but actually Billie. Adam hangs up and Billie returns to the video call but this time the camera is turned on. Instead of a person, we see a vent cover and this is revealed to be inside Ken’s home.
The group help Ken find the camera and when looking at whatever is transmitting the video, Ken falls into a trance. His video suddenly cuts out and Blaire loses internet service. Comcast, am I right? Blaire regains internet service and restarts the call with the group.
Ken’s camera cuts in and out as he screams. As it cuts back in we see Ken blending his hand and then his face.
Adam is done with that shit and says he’s leaving but hears something in his home. His power goes out and Billie tells him to sit down. Billie sends them the video of drunk Laura from the beginning and we see an extended version. This time after a drunk Laura argues with Val, it cuts to someone finding a passed-out Laura behind a trailer having shit herself.
Whoever uploaded the video ends it with text reading “Leaky Laura… Kill Urself” This video set off all the bullying that led to Laura’s death but no one knows who uploaded it. Blaire messages Facebook Laura saying they didn’t have anything to do with the video but admits to creating fake accounts to send her messages bullying her.
Blaire tries to use the excuse “everyone was doing it”, claims they’re good people, and that it was just a mistake. Laura decides to find out and messages the group as Billie telling them it’s time to play a game. So we’re going the SAW route on this one.
Billie tells everyone the game is “never have I ever”. Jess says the rules are; everyone puts up five fingers, someone says something they haven’t done, and whoever has done it puts a finger down. Whoever gets all five fingers down first, loses. Additionally in this version, since Billie knows all their secrets, Billie will start counting down and if anyone doesn’t put their finger down when they should, Billie will kill them.
Turns out everyone IS a piece of shit. It’s revealed Jess started a rumor that Blaire has an eating disorder and lied that it was Val who started it, Blaire crashed Jess’s mom’s car while drunk, Mitch ratted Adam out to the cops for selling weed, Jess stole $800 from Adam, and Adam offered Billie Jess’s life if they spared him.
This triggers a huge argument between Mitch and Adam in which Adam gets so pissed he tells Billie to relax for a round as he asks a question. Callously Adam asks the group “never have I ever had sex”. Adam and Jess put their fingers down but Billie continues counting down.
Blaire apologizes to Mitch and puts her finger down. Adam continues and asks “never have I ever fucked my boyfriend’s best friend.” It’s revealed Blaire cheated on Mitch by sleeping with Adam. Blaire breaks down apologizing to Mitch saying she was drunk, and that it was an accident.
Things get crazy as a devastated Mitch forces Adam to put two fingers down by making him reveal he roofied someone and forced them to have an abortion. Billie sends them all a video of Adam and Blaire having sex and Blaire begs Mitch not to watch.
Billie starts the next round but Adam pulls out his gun and threatens Billie again. He’s interrupted when his printer prints a page on its own but won’t reveal to the group what it says. Blaire also gets a page printed on her printer but since it’s not on the screen, we don’t see what it says.
Since Blaire won’t reveal what the paper says either, Mitch thinks she and Adam are keeping more secrets about their infidelity and says he’s leaving the call. Billie reminds the group that if they leave, they die.
Blaire reveals she and Adam almost slept together again to test if the first time was just a fluke. Angered Mitch demands Blaire show him the paper or he ends the call, not caring if he dies.
As Mitch is about to end the call, Blaire reveals the paper.
As soon as she reveals the paper, Adam grabs his gun and shoots himself. His body falls hitting his computer which also falls revealing his paper said “If you reveal this note, Blaire will die.” Billie starts the next round with a question for Jess. Oh shit, Jess is still here.
Blaire tells her not to answer as she opens Chatroulette to get in touch with anyone who can call the cops for her. After several people skip, someone finally calls the cops but it’s too late.
That Chatroulette scene, while a good idea by Blaire, felt weird because of Blaire’s desperate attempts at help (which felt almost like over-acting) and the other people’s overly calm demeanor toward a woman begging for help.
Oh and Jess kills herself by putting a hot curling iron into her mouth. With just Mitch and Blaire left, they both say they love each other as Billie turns out their lights. The lag and buffering effect the movie has been using at annoying intervals gets more prominent which makes no sense, THERE’S LESS PEOPLE ON THE CALL.
Billie starts the next round and asks “never have I ever posted the video of drunk laura.” Blaire and Mitch both say they didn’t post it and Billie starts a countdown. Meanwhile, Facebook Laura sends a message to Blaire saying she knows Blaire wouldn’t have done that but questions why she’s protecting Mitch.
As the timer reaches 0, Blaire sends Laura a message saying it was Mitch. Cutting back to the call, Mitch goes into a trance and stabs himself in the eye.
Facebook Laura sends a message to Blaire thanking her but says there’s one more thing. Billie then starts another countdown. Blaire doesn’t know why she’s counting down but tries to tell Laura that they used to be best friends. She then apologizes for drifting apart which Laura responds by saying that they didn’t “drift apart” and there’s more to the story.
The countdown stops and we see Laura has posted a video on Blaire’s page showing the rest of the Drunk Laura video. After the camera person finds Laura passed out and having shit herself behind the trailer, the camera turns around to reveal it was Blaire who recorded the video. This means Blaire is the one who posted the video which led to the bullying which led to Laura’s death.
Also, this means Blaire completely just sacrificed Mitch because she didn’t want to admit she posted the video!
Laura tells Blaire she wishes she could forgive her and Billie leaves the video call. Blaire hears someone entering her room and in a jump scare, someone slams her computer closed. The film ends as Laura’s ghost attacks and presumably kills Blaire.
Review:
Unfriended is okay but keep in mind, I had very low hopes for it. The acting is passable, there are a few scenes where most of the actors are overacting and you can’t help but roll your eyes. One standout good performance was by Moses Storm but it’s too bad he barely does anything for a huge chunk of the movie.
The dialogue is okay but weird at times, honestly what was up with the knife-sex scenes and Adam with that gun? The story was pretty predictable except for that last twist that Blaire was the one who posted the video. Mainly the reason was that you were still in shock she betrayed Mitch.
But, there were so many boring lingering shots of, what I assume, is Blaire looking dumbfounded at her screen and we can’t see any of it because her video is hidden behind windows. Go on and stare at your screen for a few seconds while you move your mouse around, entertained?
That happens often in this movie and it detracts from the good parts. It’s weird because, towards the end of the movie, it starts showing you her and Mitch’s reactions through a pop-up window. Why wasn’t this done from the start?
I know this movie took place in 2014 and maybe there wasn’t good Wi-Fi everywhere but the worst part of the movie is everyone’s camera is constantly lagging or buffering. Audio cuts out and you constantly hear the clicks of cell phone interference. I get it, it’s supposed to show that the ghost is interfering with the electronics but it’s not necessary, we know it’s a ghost movie. The effect becomes extremely annoying and ruins multiple scenes.
Despite all of this, the best part of the movie is the suspenseful “Never Have I Ever Game”, too bad it doesn’t start till the last half of the movie.
Overall I only recommend Unfriended if you’re looking to watch a horror movie, but you’re pretty tired and you don’t know if you’re about to fall asleep, so you want to watch something that you don’t care if you get invested in or not.
Cast IMDB