An Average Movie-Goer’s Review
Spoilers! If you don’t want spoilers – check out the Spoiler-Free post
I love horror movies and if I’m going to watch them anyway, why not write an entertaining/funny review from the POV of an average movie-goer and not a professional critic.
Today we’re looking at 2009’s Friday the 13th.
2009’s Friday the 13th is a re-imagining of Jason Voorhees’s story. Instead of being a direct sequel or remake this movie takes pieces of various to tell its story.
After Clay Miller’s sister goes missing he sets out to her last known location nearby the abandoned Camp Crystal Lake. While there, he bumps into another group of friends and all are soon targeted by Jason Voorhees.
If Mondays suck and Fridays are great then this movie is like the last day of your vacation only to remember you still have two more days off because you planned to end your vacation on a Friday leaving the weekend free.
Full review at the bottom of the page!
Is Friday the 13th (2009) Scary?
Friday the 13th is not as scary as it could be but not many slasher movies are these days. Because of the large number of possible victims, the movie becomes slightly action/horror which makes it lose some of its inherent possible terror.
There’s a lack of suspense but nonetheless still a pretty good film for spooky times. Though I never felt scared enough to look behind me.
All Friday the 13th Explanations/Reviews:
The movie starts with several black-and-white flashbacks to the final showdown of the original Friday the 13th, although these are done with new actors and a few scenes are added. In this version, as Pamela Voorhees attempts to kill the final counselor, a young Jason looks on from the woods. He watches as the final counselor kills his mom and runs off.
He then approaches his mother’s body and picks up a locket with his mother’s picture in it.
We cut to a group of 5 friends who are looking for a crop of marijuana near Crystal Lake to take and sell when they decide to camp for the night. The only really important character here is Whitney Miller (played by Amanda Righetti) everyone else is not important, you’ll read why in a moment but their names are (from left to right below), Mike, Whitney, Amanda, Wade, and Richie.
Wade recounts the events from the original movie around the fire telling the group about Pamela Voorhees being beheaded and the police never finding Jason. Whitney talks to her boyfriend, Mike, alone and we find out her mom is sick but taken care of by a nurse. Her mom also requested Whitney go on this trip to help her not think about her illness.
Wade goes into the woods to pee, and finds the marijuana plants but… also finds Jason and is presumably killed as we cut away.
Whitney and Mike find the entrance to Camp Crystal Lake but choose to not investigate. Instead, they find a broken-down abandoned cabin and investigate that. There they find a bunch of stuff from decades ago and the locket of Jason’s mother.
Mike makes it a point to tell her the woman in the locket looks like her. The two continue to investigate and find Jason’s childhood room.
Back at the campsite, Richie and Amanda are trying to have sex but they keep getting interrupted by sounds outside. Thinking they’re coming from Wade, Richie goes out to investigate. Hint: They’re coming from Jason.
Richie goes out looking for an alive Wade and finds his dead body instead. Freaking out, he runs back towards camp where Jason has already attacked Amanda and hung her up in her sleeping bag above the fire.
Richie gets back to the campsite in time to see her struggling to get out and before he can help her he steps on a bear trap. Moments later Amanda falls out of the burned sleeping bag dead as Ritchie watches helplessly.
Not having heard ANY of the screams, Whitney and Mike are still investigating the house and realize someone has been in the cabin recently because of some used candles. Mike also finds what he thinks is a doll but in reality is the skull of Pamela Voorhees. Shocked, he drops the skull as a door nearby slams shut.
Mike crouches on the floor attempting to see through the gap in the door but instead, almost gets cut by Jason’s machete that breaks through the floor beneath him.
And by almost I mean momentarily doesn’t get cut because seconds later he’s cut multiple times. Jason breaks through the floor and drags him down killing him as Whitney runs out of the house.
Jason then pops out from a trap door in the floor and gives chase.
Whitney gets back to camp to find Amanda dead but Richie is still alive pinned by the bear trap. As she tries to help him, Jason appears behind them and in one swing plunges his machete halfway through Richie’s head killing him instantly.
Whitney crawls back and Jason runs at her with his machete but before we see what happens the movie finally shows us its title screen. Only about 23 minutes in.
We cut to a new group of 7 arriving at a gas station where our main character Clay (played by Jared Padalecki) is talking to the clerk about posting up signs for his missing sister, Whitney. The de facto leader of the group,
pile of soggy dicks Trent (played by Travis Van Winkle) tells Clay to hurry up despite the fact that he’s only been waiting for a few seconds.
The two exchange some words and Trent’s girlfriend, Jenna (played by Danielle Panabaker) apologizes to Clay for Trent’s behavior.
Clay drives off on his motorcycle but is stopped by the local police where we find out it’s been some time since Whitney has gone missing, 6 weeks to be exact. The cop basically tries to get Clay to stop searching for his sister since he truly believes she possibly ran off with her boyfriend. Clay reveals their mother died and Whitney didn’t show up to the funeral which is something she never would have done.
Clay heads to another home to ask if they’ve seen his sister, but the woman there warns him to leave “him” alone but doesn’t specify who “he” is. Next, he heads to the barn/garage where a worker attempts to sell him weed but Clay turns him down. Finally, Clay arrives at the cabin where Trent and his group are staying and is surprised when Jenna answers the door.
Jenna invites him in for a drink and food but Trent quickly kicks him out. After Clay tells Jenna he’s heading to the other side of the lake, Jenna asks to join him.
We cut to the worker who tried to sell Clay weed getting high on his own supply in the garage when he’s attacked by Jason and killed. Afterward, Jason finds his iconic mask within the cabin and upgrades his head armor.
Cut to two of Trent’s group, Nolan and Chelsea, out on the lake water skiing. After a long unnecessary scene of Chelsea just water skiing she falls into the water and we learn Jason has taken up archery as Nolan gets an arrow directly through his head.
Since Chelsea didn’t see him get got, she still thinks he’s controlling the boat as it speeds towards her. She is able to avoid a direct hit but still gets clonked on the head.
She then sees Jason staring out toward her from the forest as he pulls out his machete. Chelsea is able to swim under the pier thinking she’s safe but Jason drives his machete through the wood and directly into her head killing her instantly.
We cut back to Clay and Jenna exploring and finding the Camp Crystal Lake sign and electing to search some of the cabins. As night falls they finish searching the cabins when they hear someone coming from behind.
They hide under a truck and watch as Jason walks into the area carrying a decapitated body. Unfortunately, the two hid so fast, Clay left his backpack out in the open which is taken by Jason who immediately goes all fee-fi-fo-fum and turns on the floodlights to start searching for who it belongs to.
After a short bit, he gives up and Clay and Jenna start to run back to Trent’s cabin to warn the others.
We learn Jason has tripwires all along the forest connected to a network of bells underground that alert him to where campers are located. We also find out Whitney is chained up but still alive and being held captive by Jason underground.
While Jason files his machete he has flashbacks to his mother’s death causing him to flip out but due to the resemblance Whitney shares with Pamela Voorhees, she’s able to calm him down. Jason leaves allowing Whitney to take the opportunity to search through the bag Jason bought and she learns Clay is searching for her.
She finds a GPS phone in the bag, takes it apart, and uses a metal piece to pick her locks. She’s then able to escape the underground network of caves after bumping into a few dead bodies. Meanwhile, Jason begins to hunt down Clay and Jenna.
Meanwhile, the rest of Trent’s group is still partying when Chewie (one of the group) accidentally breaks a chair that belongs to Trent’s dad. Chewie promises to fix it and is sent to the tool shed to get some tools to do so. I think we all know what happens to characters when they split up but Chewie is the best character in the movie for his comedic lines so it sucks.
Bree and Trent head upstairs to have sex leaving Lawrence alone but only for a moment because Clay and Jenna run in and warn him about Jason. Clay calls the police for help though it may be too late because we see Jason arrive at the cabin. But of course, he goes after Chewie, who is still in the tool shed fucking around making the audience laugh.
Jason quickly kills him by driving a screwdriver through his head. We then see Whitney running towards the cabin but just before she is able to reach the glass window Jason grabs her and takes her away.
Bree and Trent don’t see or hear her since they are too busy having sex. As you probably know, since this is a Friday the 13th movie, a scene where someone is attacked or killed mere feet from two people having sex is a requirement.
The power goes out and Trent flips out seeing Clay in the house. He tries to kick him out but stops when they tell him there’s a killer on the loose. Meanwhile, Lawrence grabs a weapon and heads out to make sure Chewie is okay.
Entering the tool shed Lawrence finds Chewie’s body hanging upside down from the ceiling. Unsurprisingly he is the next attacked by Jason.
But surprisingly Lawrence puts up a pretty good fight. He hops over a table and slips under to stab Jason in the leg then hops back to the other side, hits Jason, and runs out of the shed.
For a moment it seems like he is going to make it back to the cabin but apart from archery, Jason has also been practicing his axe-throwing skills. From a distance, Jason launches an axe hitting Lawrence squarely in the back.
Lawrence begins to cry out in pain causing Jenna to want to go out and help but Clay stops here saying Jason is using Lawrence as bait now. Bree starts freaking out and Trent heads upstairs to grab a gun, meanwhile, Jason has cut the phone lines and entered the house through second-floor window.
Bree heads upstairs looking for Trent but is attacked by Jason who pins her to the wall using antlers, instantly killing her.
The cop from earlier arrives at the house to answer the call Clay made but is immediately killed by Jason. Clay and Jenna run upstairs and meet up with Trent who is clearly not trained in gun control as within 5 minutes he lets off 4 shots thinking shadows are Jason.
The three leave the house attempting to use the police car to escape but Jason tosses Bree’s body from the second floor onto the windshield shattering it.
Trent runs off on his own in one direction as Clay and Jenna run off in another. Trent, being as useless as ever, trips and drops his gun into a small pond. Unable to find it and thinking Jason is not far behind, he elects to leave the gun and continue running.
He reaches a dirt road where a car is passing by but is too afraid to approach it not knowing who is driving. His hesitation allows Jason to catch up to him and stab him in the chest, killing him.
Clay and Jenna reach the broken-down abandoned cabin and hear Whitney screaming below. They find the trap door and follow the caves to find Whitney chained up once again. Clay is able to break the chains and the three run off as Jason arrives in the caves and begins chasing them.
Slipping through a narrow hole, Jenna is killed before Clay and Whitney can pull her to safety.
Clay accidentally kicks over a lantern igniting the cave. Who knew caves were flammable? The two escape through a trap door that opens up under an abandoned bus but as Clay attempts to help Whitney up he’s attacked by Jason who knocks him out. Whitney and Jason fight with Whitney able to get the upper hand when Jason falls through a hole in the ground.
Clay wakes up and helps Whitney out of the bus and the two escape into the barn/garage from earlier in the movie. Clay tells Whitney to hide as he grabs a weapon and then stands DIRECTLY in front of a window. It’s like these people don’t realize they’re in a horror movie!
Jason breaks through the window and grabs Clay, but Clay is able to break free by stabbing Jason a few times with a hand sickle. The two fight with Jason easily gaining the upper hand, he then turns on a wood chipper and is about to put Clay into it, when Whitney stops him by pretending to be Pamela.
Jason is distracted long enough for Clay to tie a chain around his neck. Whitney tosses the other end around a wooden beam several feet in the air and into the wood chipper lifting Jason up into the air.
The wood beam breaks allowing Jason to toss Clay aside but before he could reach Whitney the wood chipper pulls more of the chain into it. Although he fights it, Whitney stabs him with his own machete causing Jason to fall back and the wood chipper to shred the back of his head, seemingly killing him.
The movie ends with Clay and Whitney tossing Jason and his mask into the lake but as with every horror movie, the killer always comes back for one last jump scare as Jason bursts through the pier to grab Whitney.
The movie cuts to black so it’s not clear whether this actually happened or if it was a hallucination but that’s the end.
Like Child’s Play (2019), I enjoyed Friday the 13th more than I thought I would. Also like Child’s Play, the movie tries to make Jason a sympathetic figure but unlike Child’s Play, it doesn’t make it the main focus which makes the horror better.
This movie also does a good job at trying to ground Jason’s ability of teleportation that seems to exist in other movies although there is still some suspension of disbelief.
The characters are actually great but fit the common tropes, it’s well acted and like most horror movies the dialogue isn’t amazing but it’s still passable. Jason is great and some of the kills are gruesome but not overly gory. It’s a pretty good sequel to the original Friday the 13th but that’s probably not saying much since most of the sequels weren’t that great.
If you like Slashers and Jason in particular, you will like this movie but if you’re looking for a horror movie that’s going to leave you scared you might as well skip this one.